The feelings and words that swirl inside of me, deafen me with the cacophony of contradicting, mutually valid experiential perspectives. My entire existence begins and extends from my perceptions established by my mind, my decisions, my choices to give into my egotistical self belittling tapes or to recognize them, press pause before I can even begin to start reciting along with them- and eject that tape- placing in again the one I desire to hear, the one that brings me higher.
My destiny hangs in the balance as I waver in my consistency to adhere to what I Know with the soft strength of experiential fluidity.
My angst comes out my pores, you can taste it when it hits your face, splashed as I walk past, on the wild of the open winds. Our faces are made of the same stars, we remind ourselves to be noble. Our bodies are carbon based, so we feel the grit of the weight of our bodies and remind the Self to be humble- We are Earth. I am the embodiment of the eternal dance that all encomapasses exprience, awareness of existing.
The dark and the light ring my soul like the growth of a tree makes rings. As I build back and forth in my woven patterns- my expressions grow- deepening in the beckoning of notices around that which is labelled ‘I’. This externalization of an inwardly experienced concept- defined by the existence of the Other.
Yet, the Remembering is inevitable, the Other and I are one and the same- same as we are unique, not the same.
Brisk chatter creates separation. Pause to hold open the space which cultivates connection. Perhaps this is why distance makes my heart grow fonder of you- always, ever still. Perhaps that is why my heart trembles in terror, exhilaration- I may Know I better through the experience of You. As you see the reflection with more clarity through your experiences of I, right? So long, as these tapes are kept in check as expressions of information, perspectives- not an ultimate decision that I AM ________.
I long to manifest the most imperfect bliss into this perfectly imperfect reality. And maybe that is how I live- so wild, so inundated with experiences- contrasts, pain, pleasure… PERHAPS this IS perfect. Maybe I am doing nothing wrong- except thinking- insisting that something IS wrong. Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe everything is perfect. Maybe we are learning what we need to learn- right when and how we are needing to learn it.
Remember- confusion is a word we made up for an order we do not yet understand.
I long since opened mySelf to be guided by that deepest expression of intelligence- and yes, this means I am blessed with being touched by this madness- this confusion… yet the more I soften my application of the previously defined labels- FEELING my communications, first and foremost… this touch of madness becomes better expressed as a touch of eternal perfection- so beyond my humble human perceptions and imaginings… And I remember- ALL FAITH, NO (or minimal) EFFORT.
I stand in the fire at the bottom of the waterfall of my soul; BEING this humanity so divine- I am OF WRECKLESS DIVINITY. To second guess this Truth is to welcome illusion. In this moment- I am the flow of heart-felt abundance. It is my turn to receive trust in the face of my aching embrace of the label of confusion as I search for my way back to all faith, no effort. But then, I realize- that is why I wander- I am TRYING to have faith- instead of allowing myself to have the infinity of faith well-sprung unending from within. I simply must allow myself to remember and believe- FEEL that I HAVE faith. All faith, no effort. Bingo.
I am about 75 words short on 750 words today, yet- what I wrote above is perfect. Why do I punish myself by stepping away from my implementation of consistency? Is the sting of not following through still that pain I prefer to flagellate myself with? Ahh, yes, so it seems. Well, awareness is the first step.
Oh Divine Wreckless Universe, most wise and loving of all. Please guide my thoughts and my words. Guide my actions and my patience. Guide my intentions and the execution of my efforts. Send me the signs and lead my attentions to notice them, acknowledge them to be the most perfect expression of actions I can make. Lead my stumbling heart into deeper, more pervasive expressions and feelings of ALL emotions to enrich my experience to the deepest valleys and the highest heights. Let me meander and enjoy all the experiences in between to- and be surrounded and embraced by those who feel drawn to EXPERIENCE the intensity and wonder that the yearnings and callings and experiences of EXPRESSIONS of life, in all it manners and all its way- may be part of this existence.
I am prepared to take whatever steps necessary to follow your guidance with my most heartfelt expressions of surrender to all your gifts- my expression and gift of them- as well as my allowance to receive all your miracles and exquisite newness as a soul made to open further as I wonder. Thank you for creating me. Thank you for manifesting me. Thank you for everything and all I have experienced and will experience. Thank you for all I experience every moment- day to day. NOW. Thank you. I love you Universe. Thank you. Amen <3